


Day of the Test Subject

by MissLeChuck



Category: Maniac Mansion (Video Game), Maniac Mansion II: Day of the Tentacle, Return of the Tentacle
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Ball Licking, Bernard gets to score, Blow Jobs, Comedy, Creampie, Cunnilingus, F/M, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light-Hearted, Loss of Virginity, Male-Female Friendship, Mission Related, Nerdiness, Oral Sex, Satire, Saving the World, Second Time, Secret Crush, Sexual Tension, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:20:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28981764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLeChuck/pseuds/MissLeChuck
Summary: The gang is off to save the world again from the evil Purple Tentacle, and of course, they get relegated to trivial tasks. Meanwhile, Hoagie finds himself unable to pull out a sign off Doctor Fred's mud machine and Laverne thinks of an unpractical solution.(Events are set during the unofficial sequel "Return of the tentacle")
Relationships: Hoagie/Laverne (Maniac Mansion II: Day of the tentacle)





	Day of the Test Subject

"You should lift some weights." Laverne suggested. 

"Nope." Hoagie replied. "Can't find anything to work out with."

"Well, then you should try to improvise."

Hoagie scratched his chin absent-mindedly before realising that there was not a single thing he could come up with, even if he roamed around the halls from the mansion for a tenth time in search of inspiration. Since the day they supposedly beat Purple Tentacle, almost nothing had changed, except for nurse Edna laying crippled on a bed and weird Ed catching onto another -likely illegal- hobby. Besides, they weren't stuck either in colonial times or a tentacle dystopia so, who cares? Doctor Fred could send them to yesterday as much as he wanted until a lightbulb lit over their heads. The lack of sense of urgency had taken some effect on his friends too; Bernard was earlier dicking around with some computer and Laverne...

What was she doing anyways? He just found her on the second floor, fiddling with her nightmarish hair and giving him a major déjà vu. Must have been part of time shenanigans getting on his nerves.

"I'm still blank, dude." Hoagie replied after a brief silence. "I've seen you use forceps as chopsticks before. You're the one who should help me improvise."

"Well..." If she had just dozed off, there was no way he could tell, but she ended up cracking a smile. Things could only go uphill from here.

"I can think of a quick and intense workout for this occasion." The 'intense' part had little to no appeal, yet there really was nothing else to do, was there?

"Guess we could give it a shot." He shrugged, right away as he felt a dainty pair of hands resting on his shoulders and her face leaning uncomfortably close. He didn't flinch, though. If she wanted to stab him she'd have done it when he wasn't looking.

... Where did that come from? God, sometimes he wondered how they were still friends.

"But you have to promise me" she whispered, briefly glancing behind her back, "...to not tell anyone, alright?"

"Dude, I'm startin' to think I'm gonna be another one of your guinea pigs. You're not gonna use your scalpel or anything, are you?"

"Not at all." cue a small mid-sentence giggle, "In fact, I think you've done this before."

Done... _What?_ He opened his mouth, but nothing came out; she already made her way to the honeymoon suite at the other side of the hall. Regardless of who inhabited that room, it always gave him the impression he was disturbing the ambiance by standing there. Maybe it was the eye soaring pink of the walls or the ridiculously large heart-shaped headrest, but he definitely didn't belong there and more certainly didn't want to _think_ about the use given by the Edisons.

Hoagie waddled shortly after, finding out quickly that the lights in the room were off. If her suggestion wasn't shady enough, this put him on the verge of finding another alternative. 

He also hoped Edna wasn't coincidentally waiting there or else.

However, after idly fiddling over the wall and turning the lights back on, he didn't find Edna, but rather something he'd kick himself for not expecting.

Laverne sat on the edge of the pink covers, getting the neck of her sweater out of her head and dropping it right next to her fallen skirt, with no sign of her comically large bloomers anywhere nearby. An uncanny feeling hit Hoagie when he ogled at her perky breasts, surprised by the fact his clinically insane roommate was just like any other college chick-- except a little ganglier. Not only that, but apparently she had taken the time to trim her bush more carefully than some of them. And she was, in fact, a natural blonde.

He didn't know where to begin. But again, he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Uh... Laverne..."

"Yeah?"

"Where is your underwear?"

"Ever since I got stuck on that tree in the future, I've been going on commando. It's a safety measure."

All this time prancing around back at home, at the mansion, and no _one_ noticed? She would've at least flashed by accident them if that was the case. Hell, that peek would've been enough to satisfy any lingering tension Hoagie may or may not have for his roommate. But now he got to deal with the full thing. Neat. 

"Listen, I'm flattered. But..." He trailed off, scratching the back of his head as she crossed her legs over the mattress. Whatever was the best way to put it? "I'm more into curvy chicks. I dunno if this will work out."

Real smooth there. Laverne didn't seem impressed he would subject her to higher standards than he deserved. _Physical_ standards, at least.

"I'm also more into people with a healthy body mass index, but I'm not being picky." Well, damn. "Besides, I'm not asking you out for a date or anything, dingus. I'm doing this to help you, remember?"

"What?"

"Sex burns about a hundred calories, so with no doubt you'll be feeling like a new man."

She was dead serious. He had heard bullshit excuses to go get inside other people's trousers before, but this one sounded like a _reason_ behind her logic.

An image of the groupies that sneaked to the backstages came to his mind. They all typically gravitated towards the most attractive dudes behind the instruments, but the ones ending up with Hoagie were too drunk to realize their mistake, leading up to some amount of sloppy sex. It wasn't a remarkable experience for him either, since they weren't the kind of gals he'd see in his heavy metal magazines Bernard was so puzzled by. _(How's that bikini fitting her at all? Why's she riding a motorcycle naked?)_

Neither was Laverne, but there was something about her that called for trying it once. Maybe it was her eagerness, the fact that she was sober, or that pretty set of tits. Why the fuck not; worst thing that could happen is waking up without a kidney next day.

"Alright. But we're keeping it casual, since we're still livin' together and all." Hoagie resigned, closing the door and walking towards the bed. Laverne nodded solemnly.

"Don't worry, this is completely platonic. Now..."

She lied on her back, legs completely limp. Hoagie still had his hands inside his pockets doing nothing else but stare.

"Now what?"

"Now put it inside me! Is this your first time or something?"

"Not really, I usually let girls start off. Also," He pulled his pants down enough just so she could take a better look. "I'm not really turned on now, see?"

Laverne narrowed her eyes.

"Hey." He grinned, "Don't take that personally. You're probably the dream girl for someone out there. Like a scarecrow, or a mummy."

"Shut up, Hoagie."

She proceeded to roll his pants down further before starting in awe. Lo and behold, he was definitely bigger than she had anticipated. Having seen the same exact thing in textbooks again and again (she wasn't much of a fan for magazines: all too wishy-washy for her tastes), Laverne would've thought that when it came to the real thing she wouldn't be coy at all. Heat growing on her cheeks, she cupped the ball sack and grabbed the base firmly, stroking it slowly to feel it harden in her hand and consequently increasing it's weight.

"Oh my..." Hoaige heard her muttering under her breath and watched her smiling widely, like she would upon finding some sort of medical anomaly inside her test subject. Not a very encouraging sight for him, in fact, but her fondling was just right enough to keep him at her will and know that there won't be any dark twist to her saccharine curiosity. She limited herself to kiss the moist head before sliding it across her lips. By that point, he rested his hands on her scalp, while Laverne traced her tongue, leisurely, back to the base. Some drops of precum stuck to her forehead when she reached down for his sac, licked it, and wrapped as much as she could. Every single inch, covered by either dainty fingers or a warm tongue.

That amount of devotion caught him off guard; things were as simple as rubbing, slurping, and swallowing, but if she put that aching amount of time and effort on a simple task, she must be _really_ into it. Into _him_ , out of all people. For once, he was glad she was enjoying himself as much as he did, but that meant he would end up catching unnecessary feelings for "I split animal corpses open for a living" Laverne.

... That sounded kinda cool, actually. Didn't it? Too bad this slow paced shit was starting to get on his nerves. She tried to suck him off a little, but the tip of his cock barely reached the roof of her mouth when Laverne tried to bob her head half-heartedly, so he'd try to push her in gradually. However, she resisted and kept on rubbing him off instead. He had enough of it.

Laverne felt the back of her head being grabbed and before she knew it, Hoagie had _thrusted_ without a warning, letting out a low groan and causing her to hit her nose against his underbelly, filling her tight throat for one sweet instance. The head slipped off her lips with a wet _pop_ , right before she began to cough.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She yelled, as intense as her mellow voice let her, wiping off a strand of drool dangling from her chin. "Don't get ahead of yourself and let me do it alone, you jerk!"

He simply looked down, keeping one hand on her scruffy mane and other in his pocket. That insult was well deserved, but what could he say in return? _"Don't be a tease next time then, bitch"_ was too crude. She didn't seem like the type to be dirty-talked to. 

"That was getting dull. You started out real sweet, though."

"Like you know what's good!"

"I think I know, dude. It's my dick we're talkin' about."

"And I got an A+ on anatomy. Quit whining and let me just..." Her voice cracked a little just as she ogled his wet erection... Well, shit. There was no use in hiding it anymore. Why did she even try if she couldn't take it all?

Hoagie had already caught up upon her heavy breathing and the moisture on the mattress beneath her. _It wouldn't bother you to try again, now would it? You zany nurse._

"Tell me the truth, Laverne, did you make it all up to suck me off?"

"No." She grumbled.

"You sure? 'Cause I don't feel like you're helpin' me that much, if I'm being honest."

"... Well, maybe I bluffed, but it's true that sex is a good exercise. I only wanted to try it with someone who wasn't a total nerd about it."

"Uh... you're being kind of a nerd right now, though."

"Oh, is that what you think? Maybe I know too much for my own good, but you have no idea about absolute nerdiness."

"Nah, I bet you're one of those freaks who know the name of every single organ. If I fucked you dry right now, you'd be able to scream which one I'm hittin'."

"What else would you be penetrating besides my vagina?!" She would've said _cervix_ , but that was one step taken too far. Her face reddened up, despite the coldness of the clinical terms toning down the rauchiness of the moment. "And it's not like I'm going to pull out a Bernoulli and name every single thing I'm licking."

"No way!" He chuckled. "Does he really-"

He did a double take right after her eyes widened in realization of she what she said.

"... Did you sleep with Bernard?"

The corner of her mouth twitched as she brought her fidgeting fingers towards her face. "It was just an oral..." 

"Whoa, I didn't think you were that serious about getting laid! I mean... Bernard?"

"Shut your trap." She sneered back. "We ended up calling it off halfway through because he came early and didn't even know where my clitoris was."

Hoagie's grin evolved into snickering and Laverne wanted to avoid further embarrassment by keeping her mouth shut. She wished she could just get back to choking on his dick if that made him forget about it, but of course, it would take _actual_ skills to do so. What a pretencious freak she was: a _dumb blonde_ who had just checked the 'dumb' box. What's next? Slutty pink panties? Oh, that's right! _She didn't wore any._

"Clitoris?" Hoagie remarked at very last. Laverne felt one of her veins pop out at his tone. "What the hell are you talking about?"

If there was a biology book nearby, it would've taken all her might to stop herself from slamming it right at his face.

Inadvertently, Hoagie's shirt was yanked forwards and his nose ended up meeting her crotch and it's lascivious smell, alongside a pair of legs hooking around his shoulders. He didn't resist; the only thing he was looking at under his hair bangs was a finger aggressively drawing down to a small, pink nub.

"This is the clitoris! Do you understand now, you ignorant metal-head? You stimulate this sensitive area and you'll be able to make me orgasm without need of penetration! Do you get it now?!"

Hoagie contemplated for a moment before brushing his thumb against it, causing Laverne's leg to tremble slightly. It was still too soon to rub her off without anticipation.

"I didn't know it had a name."

"Well... Now you know it!"

"So I guess I should help you out too?"

"Huh?"

"Like, burn a hundred calories and stuff."

"That's not how it works. You don't burn calories by--" Her breath hitched upon feeling something hard and wet gliding up. And down. And up. And sideways. And...

God, what was she missing until today?! 

She tried to uselessly conceal her squeal by pressing her hands over her mouth. Out of all the strange sounds she made, Hoagie never expected to hear one like this. Much less being so satisfying alongside the pleasant sight of her breasts jiggling with every movement, making his erection feel uncomfortably unattended. Maybe they should've started from this so that he could have screwed her earlier, but otherwise he wouldn't know the amount of patience needed. Laverne responded best when he circled her clit slowly as opposed to licking it directly: something he noticed right away when she tightened her legs up so much all of his blood rose to his head.

He ran the flat of his tongue down to her wet slit, immediately catching upon it's depth. As enticing as the taste was, Hoagie figured it would be better if he slid a pair of fingers into her. The width was just right enough for him to curl them repeatedly and cause her hips to spasm as if she humped the air.

"Hold on, stay put." He pushed his palm down against her belly, straightening her back onto the bed. Now _that_ seemed like the typical Laverne he knew and tolerated, plus bare tits out. They were small enough to be stroked with one hand and squished together, nipples already hard at the slightest touch. She moaned lowly in response, admittedly missing the previous oral stimulation, but still too giddy to request anything else.

Making her come wasn't his goal, nevertheless; she jerked her head up when Hoagie's fingers slipped out enveloped by a small viscous strand.

"What? Why did you stop?"

"Because this is gettin' boring. I want to fuck you now."

"You can't just end it there."

"Why not? It's only fair my turn's next. Besides, didn't you want this from the start?" 

_'Yeah'_ was about to come out her mouth, but she thought it'd make her look needy. Right onto the cock-hungry-blonde territory she desperately wanted to avoid. He surely didn't think of her as that, did he?

Of course not! She had never shown interest in him until today. And even back then, when Bernard went up to ask her for sexual advice to win this Razor chick over, she kept the whole lesson fairly professional until she got upset at him running his mouth about how the clitoris was an erectile organ composed by bundle of nerves-- _Yes, I know! Pull your pants up and don't you dare bring that up on your date! Geez._

So she composed herself. "Fine. But you better be careful."

Hoagie straightened up, pressing his cock ready against her folds: a distant feeling from the one present when she sucked it for the first time. Not only was he a large guy (in more than one sense), but it would instantly dawn on her that it was _him_ , out of all people, being the first to fuck her and the one she'd legitimately enjoyed so far: the guy who'd pass out drunk and take-three thousand volts through his head without batting an eye; the guy who moved around stereos for a living and refused to cut his hair in the name of 'heavy metal'; her college roommate whom she had traveled through time with to stop a purple tentacle from taking over the world. 

Before she could decide if that was gnarly or lamentable, a grunt cut the flow of her thoughts, followed by a grip on her thighs. Suddenly, she felt full.

"You okay there?" Hoagie asked, concerned about her blank expression. He didn't want to repeat the deep-throat scenario, as he knew what would happen if he made another wrong move: an empirical knowledge from the day they shared the same shirt thinking they were a circus phenomenon. Laverne merely nodded.

A mesmerizing bulge on her stomach formed and disappeared as soon as he pulled out and shoved again and again, clapping against her rear end. One of the perks of being with a lanky gal was that he'd find himself surprised by how well she could take his length, with the only signs of struggle being an occasional whimper and her handgrip on the covers. He'd lean forwards, picking up the pace and sensing her breasts skim against his chest, wishing he could embrace her flimsy body further if it wasn't for his stomach already making contact with hers. Hence why he would've rather let her to be on top, but that angle of her furrowed brow and pursed lips was priceless. Nearly _c_ _ute,_ even. That wouldn't last long because his blue cap had fallen and he was too worked up to remove it from her face. Laverne decided to leave it be, regardless, under the impression that Hoagie was previously about to bow and plant a kiss on her. She might as well let him fuck her, but a kiss merited going out on a formal date first and a partner ignorant about _dead cousin Ted_ being her first crush.

It was also useful to hide the fact that she was putting all her might to not come just yet, but her arching back and sweat beading beneath her thighs decided to betray her. _There goes one,_ Hoagie thought upon hearing a muffled squeal, proceeded by a deep sigh. As he went on, her body kept spasming, clamping exquisitely tight around him. Despite it probably burnt like hell and Laverne was too cocky to tell him to stop, he would keep going until she had a second orgasm or his first, whatever happened first. The latter being most likely since any other contraction would send him to the edge.

... Or not, because she already wrapped her shuddering legs around him and her breath became heavier. His prediction wouldn't fall too far either after he clung onto her, unaware if that'd leave a mark, almost losing balance when his straining cock twitched inside her and released, immediately pulling out afterwards and still finishing the last bits over her belly. Later that he reached for his fallen cap, Laverne laid completely limp and full with the dorkiest smile on. It took a considerable amount of effort to conceal his snort with a cough; even if she did notice, there was no way she cared.

"I guess you were right." Hoagie puffed. "I feel better already. Sign me up for another workout anytime."

By the time she managed to sit back up, he had already collapsed right next to her onto the conveniently spacious bed, almost causing her to bounce off the mattress. As soon as she heard him snore, she reached down to her throbbing slit, running her fingers through the wet surface and making herself familiar with what was left.

 _Gooey._ And a considerable amount splurring from her. She chuckled nervously: a typical reaction to bodily fluids when it came to her appreciation.

Not wanting to risk getting her skirt dirty, she only put her baggy sweater on and tip-toed right back into the hallway, instantly having a fresh breeze hit her nude groin. It wouldn't be the only thing to take her by surprise since Bernard was already leering her disapprovingly next to the candy machine.

"Hi." Laverne offered him a mild smile in result of the excessive oxytocin; right now, Purple Tentacle could be pointing his weapon at her and still receive the same reaction. "I didn't know you'd be here."

Silence. He simply stood there, indignant, like someone had knocked over his bowl of cereal. A dense fluid dripped down her thigh, causing her to waggle her leg with the subtlety of nurse Edna's advances towards any young male who entered the mansion.

"Um, do you know where the nearest bathroom is?"

"Aren't you ashamed, Laverne?" Bernard finally spat out, folding his arms over his chest. Ashamed of _what,_ exactly? Having an active sex life? Not wearing a skirt? Because she could validate the latter with an _extra_ measure of cautiousness next time they traveled through time.

"No, I'm not. And why do you even care, Bernard? I'm allowed to do whatever I want!"

"Yes... I know." He sighed, pushing his glasses towards the bridge of his nose. "But you have to understand you can't masturbate at Edison's mansion in crucial times like these!"

"Mastur-" She stopped herself, attempting to cover most of her groin so he couldn't take any other _clue_ of what had gone through previously. "Why, yes! I... I'm sorry I got distracted. I promise I'll get to work now."

"Good." He proceeded to take a sharp turn before glancing back at her, "Oh, and one more thing."

"What?"

"You don't have to do it alone. Feel free to join Razor and me sometime."

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there you have it. Either recoil as your childhood is ruined or go along with it. Criticism all welcome!


End file.
